It’s not something commonly talked about.

When I was a little girl,  I remember one thing more then the rest.  My mother was bigger then other moms. Along with that came a smell.  This last year I noticed as I gained more weight,  I started to get the same smell.  I hated it. It’s only happened a few times,  but a few more then I’d like.  Many people already associate this smell to fat people. So I fight it with many showers,  deodorant,  and sneaking a quick wiff to check. I get paranoid now.  Do my kids ever smell it?  Do passers-by? So back I go to shower, a lot. I never had this smell before this major gain in weight.  Is this like your bodies way of saying “you’re killing me,  we are slowly going to rot, and stink. Lose weight now.”  I can’t wait for this surgery. I’m in tears writing this.  I mean who likes to openly admit these weird embarrassing things,  in a society that fat shames, bullies, and torments fat people. Oh ya, this girl. I know I’m not alone but let’s be real.  Who is ever going to say it? So I will.

Amazing the things I think about when I can’t sleep and it’s super quiet, and late.   -J

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